You could have the greatest boyfriend, fiancée or husband in the world. He could be sweet and kind and do everything that you ask him to do. The problem is, many times you have to ask him to do something rather than him just doing it on his own. Is this a bad thing? Does this mean that he isn't pulling his own weight in the relationship when it comes to the household chores? Does it seem like you are the one that does most of the work in the relationship and or household? Not necessarily.

Perhaps you are only noticing the things that you wish he would contribute to the relationship or things you expect him to do and you aren't seeing all the that he does.

If you have to ask (or beg) him to wash the dirty dishes that have been sitting in the sink for 2 days, and you are the one that handles all the finances in your home, buys the groceries, cooks, cleans, does the laundry, etc. (or most of the above) you might be wondering if things are 50/50. But stop and take notice of the things that he does.

Does he do such things as checking the oil in your car, fix things around the house, mow the lawn, and hang pictures up for you? Does he open jars that are too tough for you to open, and reach things that are too high for you to reach? Maybe he is pulling his own weight.

If you think your spouse or significant other isn't contributing enough to the relationship, talk about it and divide up the work. Give him some more responsibilities. Delegate and assign tasks for him to do (in a nice way and not like not like a drill sergeant giving orders).

If he hasn't been doing so, give him the responsibility of things like making the bed every morning, and if you cook, have him help wash the dishes after dinner. If he cooks, you clean the dishes. If he has a certain area of the house as his area, like the garage or his office, then ask him to keep this space tidy. Think of other things that he can do to make the division of the work around the house more equal.

So take notice of all that he does do, if he isn't helping enough, give him some responsibilities that belong to him only. Maybe he isn't helping enough because he doesn't know what's expected of him. Maybe other people have done those things for him in past relationships and/or you have never suggested that you wish for him to do more in the relationship and household.

I'm not sure if you can say it is so clear-cut and things should be 50/50 exactly. Sometimes it might be 60/40 or 70/30, either with you or him doing more in the relationship, but the trick is to keep the scales balanced and swinging both ways.

In my house I do all the work. I go to school so I'm not working. He uses the excuse when it come to housework I work all day you sit in class. Even when I did work I still did all the housework. My approach was to remind him everyday what was expected of him as far as house work goes. When it didn't get done I would b***h and blame it on PMS. Men are children their moms took care of them growing up. We just come in to take over moms duty.

What? Children that we have to take care of? When does the ADULT relationship come in? Since when did being a wife, mean having to mother your husband? I feel this is a ridiculously antiquated viewpoint that will only make you frustrated and bitter in the end. After being married for 4 years, I can tell you men don't appreciate it unless they have to also do it. And they definately don't respect doormats!

Bitter women make ex-wives ladies, so don't try to control everything your husband does if you truly love him.

I don't think unscrewing a tight jar and reaching the top shelf for me is equivalent to cleaning the dishes. I'm not a wimpy little girl who will do all the cleaning because some burly man helped open the jam earlier that morning. It's his house too, he understands how frustrated and uncomfortable I am when the place is messy, and yes, sometimes I do have to ask, but for the most part, he can read me. He knows when I'm starting to go mad because of the messiness. The fact that he cares and actually does something about it shows that he loves and respects me and doesn't think it's "my job".

Funny thing...my husband and I just had this argument after he sat on the couch as I raced around cleaning the entire house before my parents arrived. He had asked what he should do and I responded "Help me clean!". After the fight, we discussed the fact that he needs specific instructions on what to do. What is obvious to me...isn't as obvious to him. So perhaps taking the time to ask him to do specific tasks is worth avoiding the argument later on.

Men do need specific instructions. They see the big picture, but miss the details.

I have been married 37 years, 30 happy years, There were a few years when I felt unappreciated and undervalued. The final straw was at about 20 years when he complained one too many times about my skill in ironing his shirts. I got some backbone and gently suggested he do them himself. He chimed back with "well then what do I need you for?" That was a turning point.

Well at year 37 he does his own laundry, making an appointment to use the laundry room, and he does actually cook a lot of the meals.He even does do the dishes. And, when we are having company he takes part in the planning, preparation, and clean up.

Ever since I decided I was a person of value, a talented, determined, caring wonman who deserved respect for my efforts life has gotten better. Like my sister said to me once, quit hanging around and waiting for him to ask you to shine his boots. That is not love on an equal scale.

So hang in there, and remember when talking to a man, don't pick on him or his actions, but make your feelings known to him. Let him know what makes you happy or sad or disappointed. Try to end on a positive note...an excerpt from marriage counseling session 5. After all, we are entitled to "our own feelings."

After 37 years I am finding out things that I like about this man each day and I can honestly say "its been worth the effort!"

Nancy, Congratulations on the 37 years, and I hope that you and your husband are twice as happy for the next 37!!! You are living proof that marriages can work and do last! Thank you.

Until I read the responses to this article (and NOT the article itself), I thought there was something wrong with me...like maybe I needed hormonal shots or something to keep me from being so depressed and upset from "slave-labor." I couldn't recall my mother ever complaining as much as I do...or "accidently" smashing a lamp against the wall in frustration. My fiance' and I both have full time jobs, we come home at the same time and he sits down in front of the TV as I clean up and start dinner. My two days off are spent WORKING, trying to catch up with the clutter and garbage and food dishes left all over the house, taking out the garbage, sweeping up the floor from where garbage "thrown" in the direction of the can has not made it...AND I open up my own jars. After my two days"off" of work, he has two days off and I come home to discover all the work I've done undone...and then some. This drives me insane enough to smash the lamp his mother gave us (creating more work for myself.) My mother's solution is to try smiling while I clean because it makes you feel good inside. Its not easy to smile while collecting a six pack of empty cans from the living room and turning around to find twelve more to replace them. He does cook his own dinner once in awhile, but then I spend the next morning scraping burnt rice out of a pot that he couldn't even fill with water to soak. If cooks steak for me, I get to clean the grease splattered all over the kitchen as a reward for his treat...while he constantly seeks accolades for his ability to cook. (I never get compliments on my cooking...or cleaning...or money management...or grocery shopping...the way I put the groceries away...the ability to carry ten bags to his two from the car to our sixth floor apartment)...but I'm the woman, right? It should just be enough that a man is willing to take care of me.

My mother, by the way, has several bottles of liquor hidden around her bathroom. Is this my future?

tiger I remember when until i got rid of that one.Then I meet mister right.Forget the smiling bit when cleaning .First you have to let him know you are not his SLAVE.Tell him of the changes that are going to take place.or you are going to start throwing things out,beleve me when he cant find things like cloths ,shoes ,dishes etc:maybe he will start cleaning up.It may sound crazy an will be hard to throw things away at first so put every thing in a pile in a corner let it build up until it makes you sick then it won't be so hard to throw out.If you do this it will work.

WOW do i know how you feel. I spent 14 years taking care of a lazy man, because i thought thats what women do.I was the only one who worked. I would go to work all day, then come home cook, clean, do laundry pay bills,go shopping ect... and he would never lift a finger to help.I would pick up his cloths off the floor where he had droped them the night before. Whats crazy, Is i even put a laundry basket right next to where he took off his cloths, hoping he would place them in it. Ya right, that never happend once. While I was doing all of this he would hang out with his lazy pals who were the same way. Well i am happy to say that there are good men, yes I got rid of his lazy butt and found myself a real man. They are out there. Please ladys if you have small sons, teach them to help. Give them chores and teach them its everyones job to help around the house and to clean up after themselfs. If we dont like how are men are, its up to us to change it.

Well and i thought it was just my man, what do we do to deseve it ??? please tell me. i find it facinating how a man can find a remote control and not a washing basket that is put under his nose. why when you ask them to do to a tiny job there is always something that is just finnishing on the TV but is on for another hour. grrrrrrrrrr men, cant live with em but cant live without them

LOL.... Susan knows what she's talking about. I did the same thing almost 7 years ago to my husband. He would strip his clothes off and throw them on the floor, THE LAUNDRY BASKET WAS 2 INCHES AWAY FROM HIS " FAVORITE SPOT ". So I told him until you can put the clothes in the hamper I WILL NOT be washing your clothes. After going to work for a week with dirty clothes... he learned real quick.

Mine does NOTHING!! The other day the refrigerator was leaking and he came into the bedroom asking what's wrong with the fridge after 3 days of leaking!! Ya know what I did ladies? Got up, went into the kitchen, turned the %$^* knob from 1 to 6 and went back to bed. Not a light bulb, a broken lock, leaky faucet, nothing...But when it comes to hanging out with the boys, wants to be treated like a man..unbelievable!!!