That is why some of the worst fights, brawls and all-out wars have started on a bride's wedding day. The emotion level is at an all time high and the estrogen is flowing through the air in thick wafts that entangle everyone - well, all the women anyway.

Your mom is upset that she didn't get to be in the group shot. Your mother-in-law is upset that she didn't get a special "mother-son" dance. Your sister is upset that your best friend was maid of honor. Your cousin is upset that she only gets to be a junior bridesmaid. I could go on and on.

Why do women get like this when it comes to weddings? The simple truth is that a wedding epitomizes all that is romantic in our modern world. The last great statement of fairy-tale enchantment that still exists amidst dutch-dating and internet courtships. It's our one chance to put on a huge gown and a tiara for pete's sake. Not to mention the sappy love songs, the slow dancing and the tuxedos.

The other women in your life can't help but feel a pang of jealousy. No matter how good they look, every one is looking at you. It's your big day, after all. But if you can approach the situation sensitively and make everyone feel part of the magic, you might avoid some of the bitchiness that can ruin a perfect wedding.

Don't let faded traditions dictate the role your mother takes in your wedding day festivities.

For all the wrong and socially biased reasons, wedding traditions somewhat focus around the father of the bride as opposed to the mother of the bride. I assume this is because the father of the bride was traditionally the financial support of the wedding. The father gets the honor of walking the bride down the aisle while mom gets a good seat up front. Dad gets the first speech, traditionally. Dad gets the "father-daughter" dance.

Your mom may feel left out by all of this. She is the one who helped you plan, went with you to try on a zillion dresses and painstakingly took up your dress to make it just the right length.

Part of the traditional Jewish wedding is that the parents of both the bride and groom escort each of them down the aisle. During the wedding, both sets of parents stand under the "chuppah" while the ceremony is being conducted. I love this idea. What a great symbol of the two families uniting and what a statement of equality! Do you really want your father to "give you away" to your new husband? What does that really say?

After your dad gives a speech, have him hand the mic over to your mom. Of course, you'll want to clear this with her well in advance. Some moms aren't used to the spotlight or they may be too emotional to spit out a good speech. Just let her know that it would mean a lot to you and she may enjoy the opportunity.

The traditional father-daughter dance is nice but rocking back and forth with my dad for 3 minutes sounded like a waste of precious reception time. Do a switcharoo dance. While you are dancing with your dad, have your groom dance with your mom. When the DJ gives you a cue, grab your groom's father and have him grab his mother. Your parents dance together until the next cue when his parents dance together and you dance with your groom. You get the idea.

Make sure you include your mother-in-law by inviting her to all the pre-wedding events. Have a special photograph taken with you and your two moms. Ask her to help you with your final touches before you walk down the aisle. Most importantly, take the time to introduce your mother-in-law to your family and friends at the reception. Make her feel part of the family.

My number one suggestion is to ask your most self-assured and confident girlfriends to be your bridesmaids. Your friend that is always going through some sort of drama will probably go through some sort of a drama at your wedding. Your friend with the slight alcohol problem will probably get very drunk at the wedding. Your friend that picks up on every ones' boyfriend will probably pick up on yours.

If you don't have any friends that fit into the first category I mentioned but not into the second, do without bridesmaids.

In any regard, treat your bridesmaids very carefully that day. Make sure they know that everything you are asking of them is voluntary and don't get mad if they don't go along with your every wish. Remember, a wedding can be a very emotional and stressful situation. Watching your friends getting married one by one is a powerful reminder that you are not married or getting married anytime soon. Be sensitive to this reaction and try to point out why you selected these girls in the first place.

The traditional bridesmaid tea is a very cute idea to get all your girls in one sappy heap right before the wedding. The day of, arrange a gathering of some sort with all the women in the bridal party. This can be on the lawn outside the hotel or in your room. Have some crackers, cheese and cookies on hand along with a good bottle of wine. Every one will be thankful for the snack and a small glass of wine will calm your nerves. Go around the room and tell each woman just what they mean to you and why they are there on your wedding day. Avoid bawling your eyes out and messing up your make-up. After hearing your sincere sentiments, how could anyone feel slighted?

Right before my wedding, all the girls gathered in a circle. We were burning incense and playing soft, soothing music in the background. My sister-in-law gave us a pre-wedding pep talk of sorts concentrating on focusing loving energy my way. The whole experience was wonderful. We all felt really close to one another and I left feeling rejuvenated and calm.

Take the time on your wedding day to send loving energy to the women in your life. Remember, its easy to feel blue or left out at someone else's wedding.

I think this is all brilliant advice, and will try to keep it in mind on my big day. It's very easy to get totally wrapped up in the wedding, and all the arangements, and sort of forget all the people around you (sometimes even the groom!)

You know what it is IMPOSSIBLE to take care of all the women in the wedding party. Until all your girfriends get married they will NEVER understand what you go through unless you have really good friends. I spent all of my wedding planning trying to do things for other people and here 3 years later It gets thrown back in my face. Some how I was suppose to be the bride and babysitter and hostess and photograher you get the idea. My in laws totally are pissed off . What can I say

Are women really all that bad? Seems a bit stereotypical. My family is being very supportive so far. My friends aren't acting jealous at all.

Well i think that is really good addvice i love it. i will use it when i get married. when you talk to the brides maids the night before you get to get every thing out and tell every how you feel about each other. I watch the wedding store on t.v and the wedding just comes out so beautifully. thanks.

I thought that my mother-in-law was totally supportive of us getting married. Then they offer to pay the hall for us (we didn't up losing our date,...they told us they paid the hall already so i continued to book other things and i learn that my cousin ended up paying for the hall and now she is getting married that day) We had to change our date,..and thats fine we dealt with that,...well now she is acting VERY childish towards her son,...and now he is upset because he doesn't understand why his own mom isn't supportive of one of the most special days in his life. Thanks for helping see that its jsut not us that are going through the in-law thing!!

My husbands heart was broken when his daughter ran away to get married. He was not given a chance to be apart of it. He is old fashion and wanted the pleasure of walikng her down the eile. And as of now she is due to have her baby anytime and thier not speaking. Plus her husband told him he can not see the baby until they are talking agin. THANK YOU

My husbands heart was broken when his daughter ran away to get married. He was not given a chance to be apart of it. He is old fashion and wanted the pleasure of walking her down the eile. And as of now she is due to have her baby anytime and thier not speaking. Plus her husband told him he can not see the baby until they are talking agin. THANK YOU

Itis a big horror of mine. My sister is a brides maid, she is already mad because she is not the maid of honor, plus she hates it when I am the center of attention and she is not. I am really worried that she will do something, so my otherbrides maids are on protective patrol, if they see my sister upsettng me or trying to up stage me on my day they already said they would take care of it. Yes things are going to happen and peoples feelingwill get hurt, but if you have cool loving people next to you then you are a peddle in the mountian

And thus, one attendent. And my sister is still mad because she's not it. She's only 15 and we've never really gotten along. Other than her, everyone is very excited. I get along with my mom, I adore my mom #2, and I'm just EXCITED. Ok, so my wedding is in less than 2 weeks. I'm jittery.

well one of my so called "friends" was so jealous when i announced my engagement that she pressured her loser boyfriend into proposing to her and now she is getting married 6 mo after i got married!!!! so my advice to future brides is to get ready for warfare because once they see you happy, it is on!!!!!!!!

Why wouldn't you just call the police. OR just plain not invited the jealous ones.

I put my bridesmaids on 'mom' duty. One is to watch my mom and make sure she feels included and taken care of and another is to watch my step-mom and make sure she feels included. The main goal is to not have mom/step-mom fight with me or with each other (which they have done non-stop with me since the wedding planning started). The only 'mom' that has been great through all of this is the mother-in-law (which I am so very grateful for).

I have seven bridesmaids and they are ruining my wedding. They are all out-of-town (I moved to a new place and didn't have any friends local), none of them are helping me at all, they are only "showing up and wearing the dress" They are fighting with eachother, and complaining to me, have not thrown me a shower, are not getting me a gift, are not having a bacelorette. I don't understand, I have never asked anything of them and in fact I write them updates and letters, all of them, to tell them how wonderful they are and how much they mean to me, but I honestly don't have it in me to host them a bridesmaids luncheon because they haven't even sent me as much as a card since I was engaged. I would seriously recommend, even if you are having a large formal wedding to limit the number of people you have as bridesmaids.

Yeah competition sux my fiance and i are the last couple out of our big group of friends to get married....And let me tell ya watching all the fights during the planning of the first few was crazy!!!!All the couples just focused on out doing the rest... i dont mind being last i like not having to out do anyone ...its the most romantic day of your life and instead everyone should be there for each other...not cat fighting!!!!!!

I love your ideas on making it a more meaningful day. I do feel left out being a mother of the Bride, I dont understand why mothers cant have a special role in their daughters wedding day. I am very supportive of my daughter and want her to be happy, I have taken up some of the financial responsibilies, I didn"t have much of a role in picking out of the dress, invitations, or any ideas, but, of course it is her wedding. I hope she knows I am there for her and try to give my input, if she uses it fine, if not oh well. Thanks for the ideas, I will pass them along.

As the Mother of the Groom, I have felt very left out of my son's wedding. The Mother of the Bride refuses to come to the Rehearsal dinner we are having because we haven't paid for the wedding. She was the one to change all the kids plans to fit her family reunion and offered to pay for the wedding. We have paid for the kids rings. I haven't been told what is going to happen at the wedding and it is in two days! I just keep smiling and telling myself to go with the flow. My smile is wearing thin! We were also told we could only have immediate family invited to the wedding since we are not paying for it. We have 15 guests attending while the brides parents have invited anyone they wanted. I explained that we have had to take care of my mother in law financially since her husband died 6 months ago becuase there was no life insurance or money left to her. We simply can not get by ourselves. Our son realizes this but I can't get it through to the mother of the bride! Thank you for letting me vent here so I won't be tempted at the wedding. =)

I am getting married in August. I do think it is very important to make others (especially moms) feel important but moms need to realize that this is not their wedding! My mother is paying for most of the wedding so she has a huge say in the guest list - if my mother in law wants to invite more people this is fine, but she realizes that at 80$ per person it all adds up quickly My mother sometimes balks at the cost until I remind her there are 12 people on the guest list that are friends of my stepfather - friends I have never met so she usually quiets after that - we could drop them and save nearly a thousand dollars right there!

I had to cut one of my bridesmaids because of the whole "drama queen" thing. One of my bridesmaids does have a drinking problem, but we solved that by just not serving alchohol. No one should get drunk at the wedding anyway. Great advice. :)

I had a friend who showed her true colors during the planning of my wedding. I moved to a new state, and I met some incredible people. This group of girls hosted an out of town bachelorete party and were kind enough to invite my hometown friends. One of my hometown friends decided that she would attepmt to ruin the trip. As we were sightseeing, she attempted to drag my hometown friends into her jealous abyss and tried to seperate my groups of friends. Fortunately my best friend let me know what was going on. She became angry at me and accused me of catering to my new friends. This person is known to be a very jealous and insecure person in all of her current relationships. I don't blame her for being jealous of my current situation because I don't live my life as a BIG LIE. She can not bear to be in situations in which she is not the center of attention. She carried this jealously with her to my wedding day. At my wedding, she patted my shoulder to congratulate me instead of giving me a hug. It felt cold and insincere. Since my wedding was a destination wedding, I made plans for the guests to hang around with my new husband and I for a couple of days after the wedding. This friend chose not to hang out with the group, and only warmed up to me when I aided her mother in an accident that occured after the wedding. When she finally cooled off and decided she wanted to hang out with us, it was my husband and I planned on spending time alone. This led up to an intrusion of our honeymoon. I hope this person realizes how selfish she was and is embarassed by her behavior. I also hope this person takes care of her jealousy problems becasue it is ruining her existing relationships.

I am just glad that everyone in my bridal party, including my mother is doing their best to help me out. I am so indecisive and really appreciate their opinions. My mother & father are both walking me down the aisle so my mom fels included in the ceremony. I will not have a mother-in-law (she passed away before I met met her) and my fiance's doesn't have hardly any family so no controversy from his side. Maybe the worst thathas happened is my sister is my MOH and has really extravagant taste (thankfully she lives 7 hrs away!) One of bridesmaids is getting married 2 weeks after me & there is no competition betweenus, we are both really laid back and are helping each other out a lot, it's nice to be able to share the experience!Looking forward to my wedding day! Thank God foe the wonderful people inmy life!

I plan on getting married this time next year and I have a problem, do I invite my in-laws? You see I have met my fiance's mother once and she said hi to me before she knew we were actually dating. I have never ever spoken to her since because I know she doesn't care for me. She doesn't agree with inter-racial relationships. I don't want to invite people who don't care for us and would go just to look good. To me that's fake and according to my fiance that's how she is FAKE. He doesn't care if she comes one way or the other, would I be the devil if I didn't invite her? I don't want to invite her or anyone for that matter if I'm not gonna feel comfortable knowing they hate the color of my skin. What should I do?

See last night my ex-step mom called me and told me that my father is getting married in December. My father has never told me about this himself. See I sort of want to go to the wedding just to make a fool out of new step mom. But I'm afraid that I'll be making a fool out of myself. The only reason I am doing this is because I don't want my dad to marry this woman. What should I do?

I have a friend that I wanted to include in my wedding but ever since I told her about our engagement, she's given me the cold shoulder. I didn't understand why she was acting so uninterested in my good news but now, after reading all of the stories on this website, I understand that she's jealous. I feel better knowing that I'm not the only bride that has ever experienced a rift in friendship due to a wedding. It's just really sad that even when people are jealous, they aren't able to just get past themselves and put on a happy face for the sake of friendship.

I'm losing my mind! My mother is complaining that I am asking for too much for my wedding when just days ago, she was the one going overboard. My fiance's mom is asking us to do the impossible and change the date with the wedding just a few months away, and my friends that aren't in the wedding are jealous of my friends that are in the wedding. Why didn't I elope?

Jan. 4, 2005 1:40 p.m.

I became engaged three months ago to my boyfriend of five years. He is in the service, so we have been doing the long distance thing for three years. When he proposed, my family, friends and especially myself all went into "wedding mode." However, Todd did not. He wants to finish out his career in the service and then pursue college. This is all fine and dandy, but he doesnt want to set a date or get married until he is completely finished....thats about 6 years away. I refuse to give away 6 more precious years of my life to an undecided, lackluster man. All of you girls who truly found your prince charming are very blessed. Despite bridesmaids full of drama and parents who feel left out, at the end of the day you and your man will have one another to hold. I have to ship my engagement ring back this week. Heartbroken and feeling like a fool....BethelMae

I have a question? Why am I the one getting married YET my matron and maid is fighting me on every idea, as well as each other. Dont get me wrong they both are supportive yet they appear threaten by each other and im catching the wrath. What should I do?

I just read Leslie's comment from above and I am somewhat relieved that I am not the only one that is going through this. I, like her, have a friend that I have major history with (all through college until now which is 15 years) who is acting really strange and so ridiculously jealous of me, I can't foresee our relationship growing. I met my fiance a little over a year ago, and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She's been very standoffish ever since we announced we were getting married. What once used to be a communicative friendship has reduced to e-mails once in a blue moon (she won't call my house for fear of my fiance answering the phone). It's really getting hurtful. She waited until the last minute to RSVP a "No" to my shower and also to my bachelorette party. I guess I'm having trouble coming to terms with the fact that the friendship is going nowhere, and has been strained for some time. It's never easy saying goodbye to someone- but I think until she is in a relationship and on the same plain as me, that we'll never come together as friends or she will never understand my situation. It's a shame that something you have such an investment in has to be thrown away because of immature feelings. Oh well.

Glad it is not just me!! My parents paid for dresses, alterations, etc., for all 4 bridesmaids and to show their appreciation, none of them even bothered to show up to my bridal shower because they had all gotten into a fight about where to have it.

It does get better. My was bestfriend, actually helped my fiance by lighting candles and spreading rose petals while we were out for dinner, so that when we arrived home, he could propose to me. I obviously asked her to be one of my bridesmaids. Since then, I moved away, and she is away at college, coming home everyother weekend, our friendship disintigrated, and I tried everything. Everytime I was going back I tried to get together with her, and she would have none of it. I finally ended up telling her in an email, since she wouldn't talk to me on the phone, that it was in both of our best interests, that she no longer be one of my bridesmaids. In my last visit back, I find out that she has been telling all of our mutual friends, that my fiance is making the biggest mistake of his life marrying me... I think this should upset me, but I know that she is just jealous, and I feel really bad for her. I hope that someday, she can find the happiness that we have found and can experience the love that we share. On another note, I have taken 3 other friends, a best friend from highschool, a best friend from a differnt high school 3 hours away, and one I met because of my fiance, all of whom bearly knew one another before the engagement, and made them my bridesmaids, and it is unbelievable the friendships that have blossomed. I have had no problems, and even thougth their is a distance of 5 hours and of course long distance phone charges between them, everything is going smoothly... 125 days to the wedding, and keeping my fingers crossed.

I am due to be MOH to my best friend of 12 years this autumn. Since I moved away and went to University we have always lived in different towns and lead very different lifestyles, but this has not lead to our friendship suffering, we've always been close despite being very different characters. Recently I have had a very nasty split from a boyfriend whom I loved very much (marriage was not on the cards, and I am happy with this for some time yet as I pursue a career - as I said my friend and I are very different and I think this is part of what has kept our friendship special) and although I knew my best friend was busy with wedding plans and can be prone to poor health I was incredibly disappointed that at the time I needed her most in my life she was not there for me and in fact I didn't hear from her for months. During these months my boyfriend and I got back together and we are now happily getting back on track, however I don't think my friend is even aware of this. I feel bad that we aren't really talking right now, especially as the wedding draws closer and I know this is not really even practical, apart from anything else. I know I should swallow my pride and do what is necessary for us amends - I don't want this to go on and I want to be able to look back and know I did my bit for her day, as I had always imagined I would - but I don't feel that it is really my place to do so - for once in our friendship I feel like being stubborn about this, but I suspect I am just being petty because I was hurt. Just because your friend is being the bride for the day does this mean that you should make allowances for behaviour that you otherwise would not? I am confused as to what to do for the best - I want to play my part in this for both of our sakes, but equally I don't want to be a doormat - I know I wouldn't be for anyone else! Any advice - I know this one turns the usual complaints here on their heads... (has anyone else noticed how noone replies to postings here or offers advice, just comes back with their own moans?! I guess that shows how emotions always run high around weddings.) Best of luck to everyone!

To R x. I am a bride, and I couldn't imagine not talking to my bridesmaids, let alone my MOH... After all she IS my bestfriend. I am busy planning and stressing, and I am hear to tell you, that I am still there to be her bestfriend. To listen to all of her concerns, and hear about her new boyfriend, and everything else that is going on in her life. Her father is in bad health, and I couldn't live with myself if I didn't care, and didn't talk to her about her father, and everything associated with that stress. She has been involved in the planning, and picking out of alot of different wedding items. If is has been that long without any communication, I would be concerned about weather or not you still are the MOH. I would get intouch with her, call her to ask about planning a bridal shower, or see if there is anything you can do to help her out, then tell her that YOU FEEL it has been unfair the way she has neglected your friendship. Make it about Your feelings, and do not accuse her. I have found that that never gets you anywhere with anyone. Sure planning a wedding is stressful, and time consuming, but that is no reason to turn your back on your friends. Especially those close friends that you have choosen to stand up with you on that special day.

OH boy! I have to say, I always dreamed of my wedding day. And it is coming in a few weeks, but I will say I am surprised by some of the ugly emotions that I have seen come out of my family and friends! All my friends warned me, but I swore I would keep everything light and have fun. WOW! sounded good in theory - but the arguing is avoidable. My bridesmaids haven't been to bad. But I also am not asking much of them! I found inexpensive dresses - and my mom paid for the whole shower. I find that I'm spending most of my energy trying to accomodate everyone, which has turned me a little on the 'resentful' side, since I don't feel they truly get it that "wow - yes! this is my wedding!" I feel that the moment a bride gets emotional and actually wants to have somthing the way she has 'dreamed', RIGHT AWAY she is slapped with the "bridezilla" Title. People are over using that term...

I cannot believe the claws that come out. The friends that aren't married are jealous. ANd the ones that are, are jealous that their day is gone, and they live in fear, that your wedding will out do there's!

I am more hurt by the fighting that has gone on with my mother and I. But I'm told it's normal, and that it will go away!

My advice to Brides - be prepared - the emotions come out! Try not to talk about yourself and the wedding all the time, don't forget to ask you girlfriends how THEY are doing, and what is going on in their life. Be submissive to your mother in law. Let her know you are not the enemy and that you are not going to 'brain wash' her son. Keep a safe distance from your mom - from what I read, mom's go through a "mourning" period when they lose their daughters. It might hide itself in what seems to be anger or her being controlling. " Lastly - if you do all of the above. DO NOT BE AFFRAID TO SAY "THIS IS MY WEDDING".

What do you do if your friend leaves you out with no explanation? I am invited to the wedding but am not IN the wedding, and I feel hurt but wouldn't dream of saying/doing anything to ruin her day, but I do wonder what I did or failed to do.