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For engaged couples and newly weds who are planning their
future together the thought of staying together, making their
relationship work, and beating the average 52% divorce rate
can seem like a daunting task. Many times the media also tries
to feed us unhealthy stereotypes about marriage and relationships
and what to expect. Here is some advise on starting your marriage
off on the right foot.
1. Be engaged for a long enough period of time to know that
you love your fiancée and want to be with him forever,
yet not too long that he doesn't see why you need to get married
at all. You know, the whole "why buy the cow if you get
the milk for free" philosophy.
2. Marry your best friend. Dating and romance is great, but
if that is all you have, you won't last more than a few months.
3. Never undermine or criticize your spouse in front of others.
Never compete with your spouse, but rather support him and
cheer him on in every good thing that he does.
4. Don't be afraid to fight. Good fights will strengthen
your marriage, because the rough edges have to be polished
between the two of you. When you do fight, do it respectfully.
Stick to the issues, listen to the other person, compromise
and negotiate. Learn to recognize that sometimes when your
spouse argues about something with you're their may be a deeper
issue or concern that you need to discuss and hash out.
5. Men and women are different and communicate differently
at times. Respect his interests, views and values and don't
try to change him into your "ideal man".
6. Develop meaningful relationships with other people and
don't expect your spouse to entertain you 24 hours a day.
Give each other space. Your spouse needs time to be alone,
to have private thoughts and space to breathe.
7. Be your own, well-rounded, mature, and independent person.
Don't marry someone to make you happy. Be happy by yourself
and with yourself first.
8. Communicate your thoughts and feelings with your partner.
Don't expect him to be a mind reader and "just know"
the right things to say and do or be able to tell when you
are angry. If he asks you how you are doing and you say, "I'm
fine" then he'll think you are fine. You need to tell
your husband that you are upset, angry, sad, worried, etc.
about something in order to solve the problem or let him know
how you feel.
9. Wait until you are both ready to have children. You need
some time to get to know each other first before you should
plan on having children.
10. Remember, marriage takes work. It's not always romance
and flowers and running together on the beach hand-in-hand.
Being the woman in the relationship means you might have to
do more of the work in keeping the relationship together and
keeping the lines of communication flowing. Why do you think
most self-help books are for women? If you truly love one
another and are best friends, you can make your marriage work
if you work on it together.
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